Orville Redenbacher: my enabler

I have a new addiction- microwave popcorn. And it seems, just at the wrong time. With the advent of "popcorn lung", all of us saps who love the white morsels could be doomed. What, you may ask, is popcorn lung? In recent news stories, I've learned it is a rare, lethal disorder that is popping up in factory workers who process the buttery kernels.
Read on: http://i.abcnews.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=3565670&page=1

Wowsa! Who knew? Obviously, none of us. Are we doomed for ceremoniously breathing in that buttery goodness every time the microwave beeps? Possibly. And therefore, I've begun holding my breath each time I take out the bag. I recommend you do the same, but how can you escape the aroma that fills the entire floor of your kitchen? You can't, and sadly, neither can the cat.

At least, though, the cat will go down with me. Her addiction seems to be increasing along with mine. Has the lovely smell turned her on, or perhaps the tiny pieces I feed her off my shoulder while she peers down from the back of the couch? Can you be accused of animal abuse for giving a cat popcorn lung? Or would it be praised, for bringing so much joy to a fine feline with a love of snacking?


And finally...
Will you visit me in the hospital when I'm diagnosed me with popcorn lung? Or maybe, when I'm committed for my addiction? Whichever come first. Hopefully the latter. If nothing else, maybe you can sneak in a bag baked into a cake, or hidden in a boot. I've got ideas.